This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.
Here’s a thought experiment: We all wake up tomorrow in a world that’s exactly the same as this one, except for one major difference. Every single piece of clothing on earth is either covered in visible brand logos or visible slogans. Think: podcast quotes, random sentences and the like.
What does your closet look like? I asked my boyfriend, because he’s sitting right here, and he said brands probably. “I already wear things with brands on them, so whatever.” But he’s talking about a minor Nike swoosh, or the logo of my podcast on a shirt sleeve. But the question feels much deeper than that to me and reveals a stunning divide amidst Bravo’s programming schedule.
See, The Real Housewives is absolutely defaulting to brands. They’ve got more Chanel logos on t-shirts than anyone knows what to do this and leggings plastered with the Fendi print. But the millennial lineup, composed of the Summer House casts and The Valley and the Southern Charm extended universe? I’m pretty sure they’re going with slogans! If it’s not Kristen Doute’s James May graphic t-shirts, it’s Carl and Kyle and Amanda in “SUMMER SHOULD BE FUN” t-shirts.
Really makes one think, doesn’t it? Let us sift through those closets now and look for answers.
Summer House
West Wilson
On Summer House, slogan-heavy clothing is to the castmates what labels are to casts on shows like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Every single one of them, eventually, pops up in a silly t-shirt or hat with a merch brand’s marketing copy. West seems to have some connection to the above hat company, as he follows them on Instagram. They’re not important enough to remember the name of right now, but I did chuckle at this Instagram post from the hat designer. Pray for mother! Not because she is broken — because she is becoming.
Ciara Miller
I don’t have much to say about this outfit, which is about as much as this outfit has to say about itself. I mostly include it here because, despite what she often wears, I can’t help but gasp at how indescribably beautiful Ciara is. Can you believe she still chooses to nurse, despite everything? This is a face that’s already launched a thousand ships!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Shamea Morton
Shamea has now had what feels like 10 different confessional looks this season, and I cannot wrap my head around a single one of them! She is, to me, the only logical successor to Erika Jayne in the confessional booth in that each one reads so extreme and so clearly disingenuous, despite the pageantry of the format in modern times. It’s just a lot! I don’t dislike them, for the most part. In fact, I’m even mildly entertained by the attempt to make a big splash for her first proper season. But it does, ultimately, read false. Just like her friendship with Porsha!
Perhaps what’s tripping me up is the styling. Here she is in a Chanel necklace with a Chanel backpack and a Chanel belt over a modest $200 dress from House of CB. It’s a common technique to make cheaper clothing look more expensive but doesn’t quite evoke a sense of genuine personal style. We’ve discussed this before when it comes to the use of brooches on shows like The Real Housewives of Orange County.
Angela Oakley
I’m genuinely disappointed in my stories this week! None of the outfits are hitting me, and none of these women are dressed in ways that move me very much. This totally nothing dress on Angela is her first true miss, even if she looks beautiful. There’s something about it that reads very dated, like the type of thing you’d get at Nordstrom Rack in 2015 during prom season.
Here she is in another nothing dress, except this time its trimmed in rhinestones. I think, truly, I would like it more had it not been trimmed in rhinestones. There’s a purpose for them on television, certainly. There is even a purpose for them on The Real Housewives — don’t we know it. But there is no purpose for them on this dress, especially when they match the necklace, making the whole thing read more cheap than it probably is.
Brit Eady
Have I talked about this Brit dress yet? Probably, but like most things it’s completely passed through me. I don’t dislike it, but I do think the jewelry visible through the keyhole is an interesting touch. I can’t tell if it was an intentional styling touch or just an accident. Either way, I’ve raked Kelli over the coals enough for her ostrich feather abuse that I’d be hypocritical not to mention Brit’s own ostrich feather addiction. Luckily for Brit, this wasn’t memorable enough for me to notice at first glance.
On the opposite end of the fashion spectrum is this dress. Her commitment to the updo is commendable, especially with these piece-y strands and side bangs. If only the rest of it warranted another sentence I could muster up!
Porsha Williams
Leave it to Porsha to rock a Pucci jumpsuit and matching headband on The Real Housewives. Of course I love it, if only because she’s the spiritual successor to the ultimate Pucci muse, Megan Draper. If you know you know, and if you don’t know, then you should find a way to get in the know. The hair is especially good, as are the earrings. Kudos to this totally ridiculous sociopath!
I’ll leave everyone with her tennis outfit, complete with Japanese katakana lettering from the looks of it. Weird, really, and made weirder by the visible tags on the lawn chairs.
Photos courtesy of Bravo/NBCUniversal